


Everybody Laughed But You

by hercircumstance



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-17
Updated: 2010-01-17
Packaged: 2017-10-06 10:00:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hercircumstance/pseuds/hercircumstance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Zechs and Noin academy fic. Zechs has a secret and Noin can be very persistent. From cadet training to graduation. Lyrics by Sting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everybody Laughed But You

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_Everybody laughed when I told them I wanted you, I wanted you_

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I could feel the sweat form under my helmet and tried to remember a time when I didn't have the cumbersome burden hanging over my identity. Sweat trickled down my face like tears, and I paused in my exercises to dab away an itchy drop from the tip of my chin. I saw the back of my boxing glove come away slick and damp - an hour's labor in the gym. _one-two-onetwo-roundhouse_

"I saw your test scores, Cadet." I heard behind me. I didn't turn. I had seen my instructor's sour face when I came in. I buried my fist into the yielding padding of the bag in front of me, knowing any pause in my routine would be jotted down on my scorecard. "If you've got a problem with the other cadets you have to work it out before the week is out." I bit down on the inside of my cheek, trying to find some small part of me that could resist the anger that rained over me in torrents. "You can't hide the rage behind that mask of yours forever," I heard him say as he walked down the row of cadets.

"Pair up! Go over forms six and fourteen that you were supposed to be practicing last week. Consider this a test. In other words, don't screw up. I'll be watching." I stopped my warm-ups with a kick that made the bag swing in a satisfying arc. I stopped the swing with my glove, hiding the effort I had to make to steady myself. Letting my anger escape into the blows felt good, but I was going to have to find a way of controlling it before it got the better of me.

"Looks like we are the only ones left." Despite my helmet I had excellent peripheral vision. I looked over the tall, dark haired girl in a glance. She was close to my age, seventeen, with shoulder length hair that appeared purple in the artificial light of the gym. She had most of her hair pulled back into a ponytail, but dark tendrils stuck to her forehead and the sides of her neck with perspiration. The expression on her face said, "Just humor me, this will all be over soon."

"The princess and the pauper," I mumbled as I turned to face her.

"Thanks, and I was about to regret beating you." She frowned, trying in vain to adjust one of her tank top straps with a gloved hand. I had taken my shirt off, preferring the open air to my sweat soaked uniform. Despite her words she looked as spent as I. We were deep into the third week of training. Separating the men from the boys. She would have insisted she fit in that scheme somewhere. I knew the profile of everyone in my class. Hers was exceptional. She graduated school at the top off her class early, fitting in basics that summer.

She probably hoped to make it to the fall's recruiting session. Her father humored her as far as the admissions gate. Probably expecting her to call for her limo a day or two into the program and then onto what he would deem a proper college for his proper daughter. She now only distantly resembled the well-dressed rich politician's daughter that I saw during the admittance dinner. I, of course, resembled no one from before. I blinked away the thought and caught her staring at me.

"I saw your score, Zechs." I heard her Mediterranean accent slip through as she said my name. "Quite impressive for a mysterious loner who wandered into the most elite military training program in the history of earth. Do you have any reason for choosing such a closely controlled lifestyle?"

"Do you?" I fired back, watching the instructor on the far side of the room mount the stairs and take position above us. "Lucrezia Noin, youngest daughter to a wealthy landowner turned wealthy politician with the leading political party - table skills turn weapon skills, from playing house to playing solder, from ballroom gloves to boxing gloves . . . what did you say about lifestyle? Controlled? Try necessary - try that glove on." I watched the slide show of my life flutter by, vanishing with the screams of my sister as the house went up in flames around us.

I looked at the girl in front of me and saw the fire reflected in her cheeks. I had really hit a sore spot with that observation. It didn't please me, but then neither did her questioning.

I put one hand on my hip, watching her step backwards until she was on the other side of the taped off circle. I was wondering if my surprise came from the fact she recovered quickly or from the way she gracefully stepped into position, weight distributed to the front of her padded feet.

"High aptitude, agility, finesse - trained with officers for a year before joining the Specials. Maintains high marks in his studies - but low social skills." She recited, obviously aware of her competitors as well. It was customary to post the top marks at the end of the week. Mine was at the very top. "You seem to know everything but the one thing that makes a perfect solder - a perfect gentleman."

She was denied my response as the whistle blew. We bowed stiffly and then stepped back into position. I settled into my stance and watched her from across the circle. She watched me as well, placing her arms up in the stance described in form number six. Her eyes challenged me. I stepped forward, expecting her to lead with a punch - looking for that first mistake to come.

Instead, she danced forward, coming so close to me I was forced to throw first. She blocked my glove with her forearm, letting it slide away harmlessly. My second attempt shed over her defense not as easily. We exchanged a few more times, each of us executing and repelling with more difficulty. She landed a jab on my ribs, lightly like we were instructed in doing. I came back with a sequence of moves from form number sixteen. She again blocked the first two, but my third attempt, a kick I made from reflex, caught her in the lower ribs. As it was unexpected, she took the blunt of the blow grudgingly, recognizing the fact I hadn't played by the book. She glided to the other side of the ring, favoring her left side. I found myself unhappy with the move, as natural as it was.

She saw me frown and took it as a challenge. Brushing back her hair by habit she narrowed her eyes, something I noticed her do before she tried a particularly difficult blend of six and fourteen. She began the move with a jab at my face, momentarily forcing me to both expose my ribs and lose sight of her as I brought up my gloves in defense. I felt the kick to my ribs before I saw her foot, already retracting like a coil as my hands came down a second late to block. The glove hit my chin just as my arms sluggishly returned to their proper place. The whistle blew and I blinked up at a blurry face. I vaguely remembered the roundhouse that floored me.

"Maybe if you noticed people," she emphasized people - her eyes were violet, I thought, "as more than just what they appear, you would have seen that one coming." She leaned even closer to me, face barely centimeters from mine. I wondered what she intended to do to me. So close, "You might have even seen this - " In my haze I felt her touch my face. The touch burned as it traveled up my face to grazed my ear. I barely noticed the fact she had taken her gloves off before I realized what she was doing. Snatching her wrist in a bruising grip, I yanked her hand away before she could pull my helmet off.

I heard her inhale - my name on her lips.

"Not yet," I said, not sure why the calm words won over the fear I felt. She was more afraid than I. She had pulled away from me as far as my arm would let her, eyes wide in shock. Her skin had turned a shade whiter I saw, setting off her dark purple hair and violet eyes. I looked at my hand. It held her arm just above the wrist. The bones beneath her skin would be so easy to break. Just as quickly as I had grabbed her I let her go, our contact lasting only seconds out of the millennia granted to the universe. "Not yet, but so close," time whispered to me in warning.

Our exchange didn't go unnoticed. As time caught up with us so did the rush of people. She seemed unable to move. She balanced on her knees, her arm lying limp at her side. I watched her sitting form fade away as I was pulled off the mat and escorted out of the gym. As the doors closed I saw the instructor offer her a hand up. People were around her, congratulating the victor with friendly words and handshakes. She looked towards me as the door swung closed.

I had discovered the hard way just exactly how many friends an ex-princess turned winner had compared to a pauper. I didn't see any friendly faces in the ring of people that surrounded me. They said they saw what I did. They thought they would bruise me back. Some time after the barrage of blows and curses I was mercifully left alone to shower, showing my face only to the empty room as the water cascaded over my uncovered features.

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_Everybody grinned they humored me They thought that someone had spiked my tea_

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Three months later...

I looked beyond the layer of transparent aluminum to the red glow of the burners. It would by a few more minutes before the heat distortion dissipated and I would see the empty blackness of space. Of course I had never seen real space before. We were still in the age when old men would tell tales of the colonization to children huddled together in fright around candlelight. Young men told the tales behind glasses of beer, though few would speak of anything so mysterious outside of the smoky mist of a bar. Space was yet the unconquered beast for most people - the gap between earth and the colonies was never wider than from the distance caused by time and fear.

"They say the simulators cannot do it justice," I heard a trembling voice say beside me.

I broke contact with the window long enough to see two clear eyes lock with mine. She pulled away first, swayed by her life long dream rather than her outcast of a friend. I let the thought slide as I gazed back out of the window we shared. Not likely, I agreed. The shuttle suddenly rocked to one side and I checked the faces around me, letting my stomach settle as I found strength in the powerful engines of our transport.

We were in a small transport, two rows of benches facing each other with an isle between. I would normally be looking across at Cadet Hal Carter's dark features. He was turned in his seat, staring out of his window as everyone else did. The only people beside myself not directed out towards the small, round windows were the Instructor, Drego Mot, and the observer, Treize Khshrenada. Both had been out in space numerous times and were otherwise occupied by their thoughts. Treize looked up and nodded to me, and I turn away, preferring to look at my friend instead. Cadet Lucrezia Noin. She was quite a soldier.

I had never seen anyone so blameless, but at the same time potent. She questioned her goals, but they were rock solid when things really mattered. It seemed to burn me to be near her, but at the same time it didn't seem like I wanted to let her go. So it was between strangers.

"I once heard space described as heavens womb. Where all things were born, and where all must return," Cadet Noin whispered, wary of letting our instructor hear her prattle. She always prattled to herself when she was nervous or angered. At first I labeled it a fault, but she seemed to function the same with or without it. She just preferred to be chatty. She said it made up for what I didn't say. She was nervous this time.

I was silent in my thoughts. I knew she didn't require an answer. She never required me to answer - probably why I let her come closer as the weeks wore on. She wouldn't let me go, "Looks like we are the only ones left," she had said. Reinforced the next day when she sat next to me in the lecture hall, "Only seat left," she explained casually, shrugging, as if fate had nothing to do with it. She stopped using excuses after that. When she sat next to me in the mess she didn't even make an introduction. We became normal.

After our sparring incident both of us seemed to be in the spotlight. More importantly, she was the spotlight. People couldn't help but be near her. Perhaps that was my main flaw as well.

She had not run away from me like I thought she would. In effect, she was drawn closer to me by the challenge I supposed. I knew people advised her against it. She had her friends. I knew all their faces after a time. They weren't getting any friendlier. And they were right. I wasn't someone who you would want as a friend. She would have to listen to them. I needed to tell her that in a way she would understand. I needed to challenge her.

I looked over at her. The dim red lights inside the cabin had a surreal effect on the situation. I would wait until later, I decided. I let the silence lengthen until a thought came to me.

"Do you suppose the colonists have the same tales about earth?" I ask, reserved. She looked pleased to hear me say something and opened her mouth to answer. I was annoyed when she was cut off.

"Look! It's clearing!" A cadet down our row called out loudly.

"I can see the space station," another chimed in from the same direction. Everyone strained to see through the distortion.

It looked like a giant spider. There was a central construction with a gaping bay, open for our arrival, and cylindrical beams running off it like a sunburst. It was going to be home for the next three weeks. Space training, suit exercises, general life studies, and a bombardment of tests that would make anyone's head spin. The final test: a mock battle at the moon.

\----------------------------------------

_Everybody screamed they told me you Would cost the moon, we'll be there soon_

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"Red, blue, yellow teams..." I heard on the intercom in my space suit. "... secure shafts three F through nine including cavern F-7." The team leader droned on. I rested in the darkness, half listening to the chatter and half cursing myself.

"I am pretty sure I am in shaft G-16." My intercom switched off momentarily and my close range receiver picked up my fellow teammate, Lucrezia Noin. "But I am not getting that reading from the depth sensor." She was annoyed. Dangerously annoyed. "Damn sensor is telling me I am clear down to shaft J. That's impossible," she continued. I ignored the string of curses she muttered. There was something more to this girl I thought - she knew how to swear better than a bartender.

She must have been knocked out during the first few seconds of the collapse. I knew for certain I had fallen for a good twenty seconds. I tried the math, but decided it wasn't reliable. We were probably even farther down than what her sensors were telling her.

"The cave-in must have shaken the mineral layers. More than just the boulders dislodged here. We fell for a long time," I said to her, the only person who was close enough to hear my undamaged close range communicator. I shined my suit's light down towards the rubble I had decided she was buried under. An explosion below our shaft had caught us off guard. We dropped as the shafts below us crumbled, the floor turning into splintered shards of space rock and dust. If it weren't for our suits we would have been crushed. Hal never responded to my communications and it was nearly thirty minutes until Noin answered my contact attempts with a barrage of curses that would have made a freight driver wince.

"I think I missed most of the fun," she said shakily. "I remember thinking the entire moon was breaking up, then," she said in an annoyed, flat tone, "waking up to your voice."

"Sorry," I said, wondering when I had become fond of her sarcastic streak. "I won't let it happen again."

"Are you alright, you sound a little," she searched for the word, "disappointed about something." I assured her I was ok, more concerned about her. The last part I didn't add.

"Yeah, just thinking about something."

"About what?" she asked eagerly. I heard her voice strain and I pictured her trying to move away the rubble. She didn't sound particularly hurt, but I couldn't tell with her.

"Something Mot said to us during the first days of hell week, 'I'll be the last person you hear when you fall to sleep, and the first person you hear when you wake up in the morning.'"

"I personally liked that little touch. Reminded me every night that I wasn't at home anymore." Her tone of voice shifted to a lower hum.

"Why did you leave home?" I asked suddenly.

"I had to. I really had no other choice. It was either leave, something my older sisters never had the chance to do, or be married off like they were. People think that I would have a choice, but I signed up without my father's permission. I was passionate about preserving peace - the Specials were the only organization outside of my father's grasp that offered me freedom. You could say I joined for all the wrong reasons. I sometimes wonder if what I am doing is right. But space is so beautiful. It makes me think I am being true to my own feelings for the first time."

She waited for an I-know-what-you-mean or maybe a follow up story on my part. I had nothing, and she wouldn't understand revenge.

"Home is where the heart is. I think that is what they used to say," I said after a moment. My existence summed up in an old used up saying.

We sat in silence, brooding about our own private pasts.

"My suit was damaged a bit in the fall," I informed her when I couldn't think of anything else to say. "I can only hear long-range communiqué, not send any. I'm draining a too quickly on my power cells as well." I took inventory on my suit, still wondering why she sounded concerned. I heard her poking about her suit. There was a sharp crackle that echoed in my helmet followed by silence.

I heard a snort. Then painful stillness. "That's funny. My light just went out," she said simply. Softer, "Damn power cell." The intercom picked up anything at our range.

We didn't talk about it. I just finished taking inventory over my own meager supplies and let her have the time she needed to think. She probably didn't want me to know of her fate just yet. The next thing she probably would do was try talking me out of staying with her. I didn't have anything to say if she asked me to leave. But for once I wanted to say something. I knew what light failure meant: damaged power cells plus light failure equaled damaged life support. Ten minutes until the small wrist light would also turn out and an estimated thirty until the life support system didn't have enough power to operate. Less than four minutes after that oxygen stopped circulating enough for an average sized human to remain conscious. I couldn't tell how bad the leak was, but she had had it since the cave-in over thirty minutes ago. She would turn her light out, conserving energy, gaining maybe five extra minutes unless her energy pack was damaged more than she let on. My own cells were leaking, but not quite as fast. I would probably have an hour more than she.

"Can you see a way out?" She asked as I predicted. She was going to be stubborn. She wouldn't want to trouble me by becoming a helpless, trapped victim.

"No," I lied, deciding then that I needed to stay, and that she couldn't know why. She couldn't change my mind, and she didn't need that extra weight to think about. Dealing with death was my specialty alone.

"Neither can I," she quickly added. "Bloody teams going to lose." I heard her change the subject, voice a little strangled as if she was hiding something. Was she worried about her power cell or was she trying to hide something else from me? "I can't get a lucky break even when I ask for one," she added mysteriously. I ignored the remark, taking it as her prattle and nothing more.

"Our team isn't going to lose unless someone plans on surviving longer than us. Remember: it's who stays in the game the longest before getting marked or giving up. We can't do either because we are off the course and long range communications are out so..." I stopped, knowing where my words were daring to go. No one wins if they're dead after all.

"You are consistent, Zechs. Just too frustratingly consistent for me to deal with right now," she said. So angry she clipped the words out like a motto. "You can surpass the highest mobile suit sync ratio, impress the senators until they are almost spending more money on the Specials than their own campaigning, and do it all with a whatever-the-hell attitude as if it had all come so easily to you, but you still don't know what I -" she stopped, as if she finally caught up to her words. "What I am trying to tell you," she sighed. A shaky hush that sounded like sea breeze through the speakers.

Ten minutes later I could still hear that hush, in and out like the tide, only broken by a small curse now an then as she tried to move around in her pocket of the cave in. Breathing never seemed so prominent until you mixed silence, low gravity, and the strongest short-range communications system money could buy.

I spent time exploring my surroundings. It was a second look; I hoped that after I had time to collect myself I would be able to see things more clearly. In actuality, I was hardly thinking of a way out. I was pacing - letting the time slip away because I was unable to do anything helpful. What time was it? I asked my computer for the fifth time in five minutes. I looked at the passage in the rubble I had found earlier. It possibly led to a way out. But if I took it I knew I wouldn't make back with help for her. Leaving was what I should have done never the less. I was planning on separating her from me anyway. Now that fate placed that option into my waiting hands I wanted to let if fall. I thought back to the fire. I should have stayed with my family. I had fled into the woods, too small and frightened to fight back.

"Zechs?" I started at hearing my own name after the enduring silence.

"Yes?" I said relieved, suddenly realizing my thoughts had all been directed at confronting the span of silence.

"Oh," she said, "I thought you left - or something," she added mutely, voice fading away with each word until the last were caught in the tide of breathing. I'm still here, I thought. Not dead quite yet anyway.

"No," I said. "I can't leave," I added while I looked at the hole, seeing the blackness part as I shone my beam of light through it. Maybe in another life I would have left. I knew I would never make it to someone in time to help her. I needed to stay. For reasons I wished I knew. "I'm not going anywhere."

There was silence.

"Thank you."

Pause.

"Your welcome," I answered.

Tide in - tide out.

"I requested to be in your group," she admitted in a small voice.

Silence.

"Zechs."

Silence.

"If I'm going to sit here and - and -" she struggled over the word die as if it would burn her mouth to say it, "- and -wait- with you," she settled on, "I need to tell someone what I am thinking, and," she hissed, "I know for a fact you can't turn this communication off."

I closed my eyes, unable to say anything.

"I requested the position because I thought that if I was near you, I would be able to help you. I saw you come into the recruiting office. My father dropped me off and I was waiting in line. I saw you come in with Coronal Treize." Her voice seemed so near. "I know you aren't who you appear to be. You are someone important, and that helmet of yours - it isn't there to hide some hideous face like most seem to think," she hesitated. "I know it isn't a scar." I remembered the way my skin felt as her hand traced my cheek, grazed my ear.

"It is space, isn't it Zechs? You have some sort of mission in space?" She asked. I remained silent, focusing on the way she said my name. "I thought you were here for a reason. Coronal Treize even came to observe." She abandoned that idea, instead hitting the nail almost on the head, "You appear the way people want you to." she said in surprise, as if the thought just occurred to her. "You play yourself so well. What are you hiding?" she whispered.

She left the "from me," unspoken, but it rang clearer than the tide of breathing that avalanched in my ears. In and out and then a span of silence before the mantra continued again. I took a breath, testing the sound it made like an old-fashioned speaker and microphone.

"It is necessary," I said finally after a few moments of silence, "for control. I need to hide from it. I need to hide from shame."

Then it was my breath that came in as the tide would - in and out, grating on my ears until I wanted to scream to make it bearable. She was silent. I wanted her to say something. I wanted her to say my name in the way that would condemn me. I wanted everything to be over!

"Noin," I said, waiting for her to make some kind of reaction to my truthful vagueness or continue questioning me. Anything but sit there in silence after dragging part of the truth out of me. I want to tell her everything: about my family, about my revenge...

Nothing.

"Noin," I said sharper, counting the minutes in my head. "Noin, answer me!"

Noin.

I checked my clock again. Her time expired when I wasn't paying attention, I thought. She decided not to tell me. A million words ran through my head. She was so quiet when the time ran over. When her life-support cut out. But did she ever really intend to tell me? Did she think it would somehow be better for me to not have to listen for her breathing as she died? I wanted to carry her burden like I carried my family's. I needed to. Did she think that I wouldn't know - that she could pass by my life without so much as causing a ripple in retrospect?

After the panic that first gripped my insides a feeling of admiration settled in. Only a strong soldier could go so silently without complaint. Even though she admitted being confused about her reason of joining I didn't believe her cause of peace had been a lost one. Then the envy sunk in. She ventured farther than I in death - where I was ultimately going to have to travel when my own cells expired. She did it so much better than I would have. Anger followed a thought later. I was angry that she was able to force me to come so close to telling her my past, then not live to hear me spill out those dark secrets. It hurt to force those memories back into place after she ripped them so easily out. Finally, the numbness settled in the pit of my stomach. My mind was washed of its thoughts and I was content to just be--

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When the crackle of outside communication broke the silence I listlessly opened my eyes. I noticed how dry and scratchy they felt. My environmental controls must have malfunctioned.

"Cadet Zechs?" The voice asked. I answered as procedure dictated, but didn't expect a response. My long-range communications were down after all.

"Hey, get a medic. His arm is broke." I saw a flash of light over me that settled over my arm. It was bent in an obnoxious angle. I hadn't noticed.

"What are you doing here?" I asked dumbly. The bright lights made me even more disoriented than the darkness had.

"We were on our way to congratulate the winners, but we came across this cave in. We weren't expecting to find anyone near here." I listened to the voice, almost wanting to tell it to shut up; it was distracting me from the breathing. A face came into view. It was one of the space station mechanics that I remembered working with earlier that week.

"You guys?" I asked, remembering what he said.

"Cadet Zechs, Carter, and Noin. New record holders of the Moon Operation Survival Course."

"The others?" I asked.

"Carter was helping crews clear rubble last time I saw him. He said he was heading up to see the doctors about Lucrezia when he was finished. I saw them take her up about ten minutes ago. She is probably in surgery right this moment." I listened, gritting my teeth as my broken arm moved this way and that while they struggled to get me moving towards the exit they created in the rubble. How long had I been sitting there in the darkness?

"I can't believe you guys." He said as he motioned the medics to me. I remembered him being one of the more friendly mechanics back at the base. "Noin said she thought you died. She couldn't get you to answer her calls. And, she still didn't leave." He went on to explain how her communications completely shorted out. I still clung to one of his words.

"Leave?"

"Yeah, she had a way out. It would have taken everything she had and a good amount of time to ascend, but she could have made it up to someone if her heart was into it. You see, her arms had been knocked up pretty back in the fall, but with this low gravity she could have made it." He rattled on about her abilities. She was the hot topic in the fleet at the moment. I wanted him to shut up. "She said she thought you were trapped, that you couldn't escape like she could."

"But her power cell -"

"-was almost dead when we found her. She was worried that you would die alone or something. What gets me is why you didn't just leave." He motioned to the hole I had dug.

I shrugged, not feeling the pain in my arm anymore. Not feeling anything. Why hadn't I left? Why didn't she tell me she had a way out? "Can you see a way out?" she had asked. "No," I lied. "Neither can I." She lied back, just as stubborn as I. She had changed the subject after that. Probably when she had made up her mind she wouldn't leave me to die without company. We were fools. Both of us were. But for some strange reason I found good company in fools.

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_Everybody laughed till they were blue They didn't believe my words were true Everybody laughed but you_

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Throughout my life I had felt a purpose beyond my own objectives. Protect peace: my father's goal, and then my goal - brought down by the destruction of the Sank Kingdom. I was sent by that purpose to the Victoria Base as well. The knight of a fallen kingdom had nothing but revenge to fuel his heart. I was directed by my revenge to infiltrate the power that had been my family's downfall. I had to fight so that others wouldn't have to. I had to be everything that I hated. And one day I would have to betray everyone I loved.

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Four weeks later...

I left my mobile suit introductory class with a frown on my face. I had started frowning lately, and Noin told me it was at least better than the blank expression I usually wore. Less intimidating.

"Zechs!" I made my trembling legs slow their stride. The other students flowing around me as I let her catch up. "Zechs," I turned my head and found her beside me. Her hands were shakily releasing the screws that held her weights onto her arms. I slowed down to let her take her time.

"You preformed beautifully today, Zechs. I heard the instructor talk about you as I was leaving and the word is good." She finally untangled herself from the weights. I noticed she still favored her right arm that had been injured during the moon mission. Despite the physical therapy and extra hours in the weight room she still was below the mobile suit control she had began with when entering the program. It bothered her more than she would let on. I stole a glance now and then out of habit. If she noticed my concern she didn't say anything. I supposed my behavior in the training room had said it all.

"Scores were posted," I said. We walked down the hall. The other students watched us warily. We were the top students and everyone knew it.

"It was too crowded to look after class." I could tell she was debating whether or not looking at all. She came to a halt, leaning down to drop the weights on the floor, like I saw her do many times before, while she massaged feeling back into her arms. I took them from her as she leaned down, and began walking again. She flexed her right hand slowly, rotating it experimentally.

"So, should I start calling you Group Leader Noin now, or what?"

"I made it," she stated, with less enjoyment than I would have expected. Noin was shooting for the top, but lately the watching eyes of the instructors were getting to her. She couldn't help notice my indifference to everything, instructors included. She couldn't know what drove me to the top. I had befriended someone who could potentially betray me. I had to be mindful of what I said. She hadn't heard my confession in the darkness of the moon, and I wasn't going to offer it again. She wasn't the only person I would have to deal with as the time for action drew near. I needed to see someone before I left Victoria Base for good. Someone needed to pay up.

"You asked me to come when you go on leave today." I watched her reaction, hoping to see anything. She was so dead lately. Her face was still colorless from today's activities. She didn't disappoint me. I saw her glance up, eyes looking hopeful as they fixed on something in the distance. "I will," I finished.

We walked in silence, my thoughts delving back to the goals I set up as early as age six. They were as unwavering as ever, but I could feel a change coming. Could she betray me? I knew she was curious about my "mission" as she thought it was. I was relieved at how far off she was from the truth. She couldn't possibly understand what she was jeopardizing just by being near me. She was in a position to ruin everything. I halted that thought. I was becoming too familiar with the feeling of company. I would correct my error. After tonight I would be alone in my anger once more.

The touch to my arm shocked me enough to wonder if I had been saying everything out loud from the start. I convinced myself it was just ill fated timing and nothing more.

"If I remember right, you enjoy wearing your uniform on leave. You are going to have to leave it behind where we will be going tonight." I turned and stared at her, finding her staring back at me just as intently. "Try finding some civies," she said, and for the first time since the moon she smiled. And I found my own face betraying me as well.

\----------------------------------------

_It's easy to lose touch with all the friends You like so much or liked so much_

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I think we stared at each other for a good minute outside the transport. I felt that if I didn't get her burned into my memory while we stood there the next crowd that we were caught up in would carry her away, leaving me unable to find the stranger before me.

She was wearing a yellow sun dress. Besides the dress I saw she had some sensible shoes on, a style that no doubt was comfortable yet fashionable. Her hair was up as usual, pulled back into a ponytail that never stayed in place. Short wisps of hair had already found their way out and framed her face. I was close enough to see she had make-up on as well. Sensible make up for sensible Noin.

"You clean up kinda nice yourself," she said, looking me up and down after our strange moment in time collapsed around us. Brought to a halt by the noise and confusion of nearly two hundred other cadets being set free for a night.

I looked down at myself, suddenly forgetting what, if anything, I had put on. I wore a pair of khakis I couldn't remember buying and my black silk shirt - and of course my helmet. My trench coat was slung over one arm. I needed that for later I thought. I just hoped I didn't stand out too much. The helmet had to stay. It couldn't be helped.

"Our transports going to take off soon." I said, finding my voice. Neither of us moved.

"Alright, um, lead on." She said, as if we were beginning some expedition into the unknown.

I ended up leading us to the transport with a quickened place, suddenly realizing we would have to sit apart if we didn't get there early enough. Students and faculty were both being let off at the city on varying intervals and the trains were crowded. Luckily my appearance had a way of parting the crowd and we got our seats just as the rush came. I found myself crammed up against Noin and one of the senior students. He took one look at me and turned to one of his other companions. I heard him say something about the "accident wrecked his face when he was ten..." and stopped listening. I would much rather study my companion.

"Hey, Lucrezia!" I heard from the up columns of seats. I couldn't see who was calling, but Noin leaned into the aisle to get a better look.

"Hi Tetsu. Heading over to the gaming complex today?" she asked cheerfully. I watched a fake smile flash over her profile as she bent further into the aisle. It selfishly pleased me to recall she had really smiled for me earlier that day. I tried to look even less interested in their conversation than the one happening on the other side of me.

"How'd you guess?" Tetsu returned. I remembered Tetsu from after the moon. Noin had a few visitors outside her circle of friends to the medical ward she stayed at for a time. I remembered a man named Tetsu being one of them. "Lucrezia, I have an open seat next to me. Do you want to come sit next to a friend?" I heard him yell back. I tensed. It seemed like a lifetime before she answered.

"No, I'm alright here." I felt her hand slip on top of mine - as if it had belonged there and only momentarily strayed. "I'll see you tomorrow," she added. We sat in our bubble of silence. The noises of the train were enough. I watched her hand as it laid on mine, like she had run a stake into me as claim.

I looked around the train, suddenly feeling eyes on me. I found no more than what usually came because of my helmet. Most of the people on the train would know me at least by my test scores. I noticed more people looking at Noin. There weren't many women in the Specials. The count was around only fifteen percent of all incoming cadets. Women tended to made excellent marksmen, and for that reason they usually were filtered off into other sections of military before the Specials could get a look at their other skills. The few that made it in were top of the line military strategists, head ship gunners, and the most rare of all: mobile suit pilots. Noin was a mixture of all three, making her all the more desirable in the long run. Even with her injury her ability to fly mobile suites were towards the top of any list. Today's class was an exception though.

\----------------------------------------

hours before...

"Forward thrusters - and swing ninety degrees following the coordinate pattern from lesson thirteen in your book." I heard the computer in my helmet say. I made the appropriate adjustment. The pod I was in dropped twenty feet in less than a second. I fought to clear my head as I pulled up at the last possible moment. When I was back elevated to my previous position I took a moment to look down. I watched Carter drop, pulling up a beat early. I waited to see who would perform the maneuver next.

The pods floated in a circle nearly thirty feet off the ground. I found Noin across the circle from me. She dropped almost a second later, pulling up only a few centimeters off target. I checked my own performance reading and saw I did only marginally better. The computer voice told us to take a five-minute break while they prepared for the zero gravity simulator. I let the pod drop at a slower pace, setting down it the sling set up for its landing.

I stepped stiffly from the tight quarters of the pod, rubbing my neck. The rest of the cadets stripped out of their harnesses and walked over to the briefing room for water and their scores. I held back, waiting for Noin. When the door closed behind the last cadet she finally dropped to the ground at the base of her pod. The plastic soled shoes made a dull sound with the contact. Noin braced the smooth edges of the pod with outstretched arms. Her back was facing me as I came up behind her. I heard her take one deep, shaking breath, trying to collect her nerves. Every small movement she made screamed pain.

"You're hurt," I whispered, trying not to surprise her though she made no reaction but the slumping of her shoulders. I saw the familiar weights in place and gritted my teeth. They were form fitting - encompassing her arms from elbow to wrist. They were there to build strength back into her arms after the accident. They could take away scars easily, but it was harder to make her muscles adjust properly. I watched her back muscles relax through her suit as she let her arms fall at her sides; the weights strapped on them making them too heavy to wield as support. She stood for a split second before her knees gave out. I caught her as she slipped backwards from the slick metal craft. She was slumped between my body and the pod. The only thing that held her up was the arm I slid around her waist.

"Zechs," she said shakily. I lifted her head up, shifting her around so she faced me. Her eyes squinted and opened little by little until I saw some recognition form. "What are you doing here?" She turned her face back down to my chest, closing her eyes again.

"You need help." With the words her limbs seemed to stiffen. She pulled herself closer to her regular balance, still struggling against me in her harness and weights. I began to take the weights off her - doctors be damned. It would kill her. She didn't protest as I lifted one arm up, balancing her against me as I fumbled with the clamps. She felt me loosening the forearm weights and stopped me with her words.

"I am not a coward," she murmured into my shoulder, almost lost in the fabric of my suit. My hands slid away from the weights, her arms once again struggled to move on their own. They found their way around my waist a moment, hooking around the back of my harness.

"No you're not a coward," I said back. I found myself looking down at her pale face, not wanting to move. But suddenly she jolted back into reality. She pulled away from me unexpectedly, bumping her back against the pod and almost losing her balance again. I turned to see the door opening. The cadets were returning from their break. When I turned back I noticed she wouldn't look at me. Ignoring the others, I helped her out of her harness, quickly undoing mine as well. When I finished I left her for my pod, watching from there as she painfully climbed up into hers. The rest of the training was mainly getting use to balancing the mobile suit simulator during zero g. Even with her faltering earlier, Noin managed to pull it off without so much as a check-mark on her sheet.

The train began to slow down as we entered the city. I heard the noise increase in the cabin as people made hasty arrangements with their friends. Noin's eyes were closed, head tilted slightly towards me as she tried to catch up on sleep. The ride wasn't long, only forty minutes by train, but it wasn't uncommon for people to take a catnap here and there. It wasn't something I practiced. I was never secure enough to close my eyes with people so close.

The train came to a halt and the people began to get up. I lifted my hand out from under Noin's and nudged her awake. We left the train without incident and entered the downtown.

\----------------------------------------

_Everybody laughed they couldn't take me seriously Abandoned me_

\----------------------------------------

The downtown was an unmemorable display of neon lights and darkened alleyways. We left the small café after drinking some coffee, both of us admitting we just wanted to stroll for a while. I had a destination in mind. I just needed to leave Noin somewhere before I got there. The streets were lit at the corners, leaving the long straightaway dark. The summer night was cool. Noin walked comfortable beside me as we entered the dark portion of the street.

"You seem familiar with this place, did you live here?" Noin asked. She walked easily, much improved over this morning. Her mood was improving as well.

I stuffed my hands into my pockets, finding the cool worked metal of my pistol. "Places like this," I stated. "Here and there." I pulled my hand back out, erasing my thoughts. We walked passed a bar and someone standing in the door called out to us.

"Some coins for a veteran?" the man asked as we walked by. Noin was going to stop, but I took hold of her hand, carefully tugging her beside me.

"Where are we going?" she asked, probably noticing us slip away from the commercial side of the city to the area only the locals and criminals strayed to for reasons of their own.

I had been planning to go there without Noin. I didn't know why I was risking everything. Maybe I thought she wouldn't follow me. I suggested we part ways; she could go find that gaming hall where all of her friends liked to go. I went with her there once. It was nice. With any luck she would leave and forget about me. She looked displeased at the thought. It was too late anyway, she explained. Was it close to midnight already? No, she would come, if just to watch my back. What happened to my sensible Noin?

"How will I know when we are there," she asked. She looked towards a dark shape huddled against the alley wall. "You never said where we were going." The shape moved, and she looked away quickly.

"Somewhere familiar," I responded vaguely. I pulled us into an ally and she gripped my hand tighter. She sighed in an I-suppose-I-asked-for-it manner. Relinquishing into my care in a silent fashion. "A club I used to visit," I further explained. "There is a friend of mine I was told frequented there again."

She tilted her head up at me, wondering what sort of friend someone like me would have had. We broke out of the ally and crossed the deserted street, entering the next alley and disappearing from sight once again.

"I used to be afraid of the dark when I was younger," Noin admitted without warning. "It was always the enemy that I couldn't see, couldn't prepare for, that scared me the most."

"I couldn't imagine you being afraid of anything," I responded weakly.

"What scares you?" she questioned slowly. I stopped our stroll and folded my arms in front of me, defensive. When she recognized my silence she crossed her own arms, face frozen in contemplative thought.

"You look different in the dark," she finally said after studying me for a moment. "I almost forget your helmet was even there." She whispered. And that was the words that sent me walking forward, as if I would somehow leave her comment behind at that spot.

We walked a few more steps before she pulled us to a halt. "Do you ever take it off?" she asked seriously. She stepped in front of me, taking the offensive. I didn't move as she stepped closer. We stood like that, toe to toe, as a couple walked by us. They were too involved with each other to notice us in the dark.

Noin looked at me and then saw my defensive posture. I sensed it wasn't going to stop her this time. During some part of the night she became determined. Perhaps it was the challenge she accepted by accompanying me this far. Perhaps it was the way I seemed to be unable to hide when she was around.

"Do you trust me, Zechs?" she took apart my crossed arms and fumbled until she had captured my hands, pulling me even closer. The action almost outweighed the question. Did I trust her? I thought I did. Despite my efforts I hadn't been able to be alone. She wouldn't let me, and I trusted her with my failing.

"I want to trust you," I breathed. Her hand caught my breath, reaching up to touch my lips.

"Let me show you." She moved her hand up to my cheek, tracing my jaw line with her fingertips. Her hand was cool from the summer night and I felt the tiny hairs on my face prickle. When she slid her hand up underneath my helmet I stiffened. "Trust me," she whispered in answer to my reaction. I gripped her other hand tighter, not sure if I wanted to pull her away or keep her there.

Her hand burned across my face slowly until it settled behind my ear. She curled her fingers around the edge of my helmet. "I wont hurt you." She said trembling. I hadn't realized how frightened she was. She pushed up on my helmet until I knew - if it had been her intent - she could have removed my last defense. But she didn't. She just hovered there, terrified at the unknown - showing me everything I needed to see.

"I believe you," I said truthfully, surprising my self again. She sighed, dropping her hand and leaning into the folds of my jacket. She was still trembling, but not as intense as the second before. I let her stay like that a moment. My arms came around her and shielded her from my familiar haunt. I watched the darkness and the black shapes that glided in it. The alleyway wasn't the best place to let ones guard down. When the next couple passed us the moment was over and we began walking. Both of us were quiet for the rest of the journey. I hadn't realized how far we had come until I noticed the familiar white catwalk marking the entrance. I frowned, knowing my time was up.

We stopped in front of the unmarked metal door. I noticed a set of new bullet holes in the plating next to the familiar one. "Stay close," I breathed. When I knocked I heard a clanking noise of locks being turned. The door swung open to pitch-blackness.

"Zechs Merquise," I said in identification.

"Welcome to The Hasty Draw." A gruff voice replied. I could see a menacing outline in the darkness. I led us in slowly, giving my eyes time to adjust to the gloom. When they did I saw the narrow hallway we were walking down. On either side of us people huddled. They were either homeless or drunk, probably both. A few reached out to us, begging for a filled bottle, but either Noin didn't see or didn't care. She just followed along silently. The only evidence of emotion I could discern was the tight grip she had of my elbow.

"You have to trust me." I said, my voice softening a level. She was either going to trust me or leave me after this adventure.

"I hardly know why," she whispered back, smiling softy with the thought, "but I do trust you Zechs." She smiled again when I breathed a sigh of relief I had been holding in.

"Then follow my lead," I said, slowing down at an intersection. There was another metal door. This one was brand new, shiny metal. I paused in front of it and turned to Noin. Over her shoulder I eyed someone coming from behind. It was the man who opened the door for us. A greasy, seven foot tall, two hundred seventy some pound doorman. He looked back at me, smiling.

"And for your life - stay close." I leaned down and whispered into her ear. She seemed to get the message, nearly colliding with me as the doorman brushed passed her and opened the door wide to let us in. We both turned to see what appeared to be the party of the century. Actually, it was just another day at The Hasty Draw: gambling house, bar, dance club, and drug house. Owned by the local crime king. It boasted at least a hundred wanted criminals a night, not to mention the minor scam artist, pickpocket, and lost soul. It was the one place I wouldn't stand out.

We stepped into the mob quickly, not wanting to draw attention to ourselves. It wasn't hard to blend in; the people came in all shapes, sizes, and colors. Our presence wouldn't have lifted an eyebrow let alone a gun.

Someone pushed by as we stopped to get our bearings and knocked us against some suspicious looking people at the bar. They turned and leered, I didn't know which of us they were propositioning, but the flow of the crowd thankfully carried us quickly away before that answer was necessary.

I followed the sound of music floating down the multilevel gambling building. I stopped and looked up and saw dancers on the balcony two levels above us. We found an open path to the elevator and quickly made for it. The doors slid close behind us and we were alone in the empty elevator - uncomfortably alone.

"I said I would follow your lead," Noin fumed as soon as the doors clanged shut, "but what the hell are you thinking? Nine out of ten people down there would just as well kill us, do us, or steal from us, than - than," she stumbled, unnerved by my lack of reaction. "Just who are you meeting here," she asked as the door slid open, followed by the rush of intoxicated people trying to get to the first floor. They didn't wait for us to get off the lift. I pushed my way off the elevator, noticing Noin following behind. With two steps into the crowd I was pushed onto the dance floor. I looked up over the heads of the dancers and saw the stage.

There she was. My eyes narrowed. I took in her red dress and black hair, and the way she purred into the microphone. Noin bumped into me, not noticing I had rooted to the floor. Somehow my eyes found the woman's on the stage and she momentarily faltered, picking up with the song pretending as if nothing had happened. She had seen me though.

"Zechs?" Noin asked, forgetting her anger and focusing on me absolutely. "What's wrong?" She tried to follow my eyes, but I didn't think she could quite see over the crowd. She touched my hand, trying to connect to me again. The crowd of drunken partiers pushed us together, forcing us into an improvised dance. Despite that, my eyes were locked on the singer.

The song finished and I snapped out of my trance to find Noin looking patiently at her feet. Evidently she could see over the crowd. "I'll be at the bar," she simply said, turning and fading into the dancers before I could see her reaction. I slipped my hand into my pocket and made my way across the dance floor to the stage door off to the side.

\----------------------------------------

_Sometimes I would read of things they'd done in magazines They made the scene Everybody left with such important things to do But I'm not blue_

\----------------------------------------

"I saw you come in." She said when I entered her dressing room. The guard wouldn't be waking up for a while so I had time to examine my former partner in crime, my former friend. She hadn't changed much over the past year. Her hair was a bit longer - she had cut it off to the scalp after her long time boyfriend, Jodrig, was gunned down at the entrance of this establishment. It reached her neck, now. It was spidery blackness to her white neck, I thought.

But that was the life for people like us. Judgment came without warning. I gripped the handle of my gun, finger sliding over the trigger. "You looked surprised, Ellis," I responded after a moment of silence.

"I knew you would come back," she looked at me through the mirror, her back to me. She had been changing when I entered, her fingers just fastening the top button to a white blouse. When she finished she turned to face me. I already had my gun trained on her head. "You don't want to talk a little first, Milliard?" My anger was triggered by the use of my real name. I had the barrel pulled back before I could decide what I needed to do. She had that way with me.

"I keep my promises," I stated vindictively.

"So, that is what is bothering you, young Milliard Peacecraft?" She pulled a cigarette out of her blouse pocket. "I don't suppose you have a light?" she asked. Her million-dollar smile was cheap. She went over to her dresser, fishing one out with a flourish of movement that harkened back to her pick pocketing days.

"I trusted you," I admitted angrily. "How much did you get for me?"

"Not enough," she said quickly, between puffs, "But it was enough to get the feds off my back."

"You sold my name to Treize," I said further, hoping by recalling the injustice it would make my anger strong enough to cause me to follow through. "You told them where to find me."

"That was over a year ago. You are still alive I see. And well."

"But I have this to mark my shame now!" I gripped my gun even tighter; the metal groves of the ancient weapon marked my flesh as surely as my helmet marked my humiliation. I was forced to hide during the cleansing of my house, and I was forced to hide yet again during its rebirth. My role in my father's vision went from avenging knight to hired gun - hired to build a new nation: OZ. Treize and OZ trapped me just as much as my vow for revenge trapped me. They knew of my revenge and how I was controlled by it.

"Then take it off, Milliard - or Zechs. You're called Zechs now aren't you? Or are you going to kill me while hiding from yourself? You might as well have shot me in the back." The anger swept over me once more and my helmet fell to the floor. I wanted to kill her. I wanted her to know the full extent of my revenge.

I caught her yellow eyes with my own, finding them not as mysterious as I use to think they were. All I saw was a tired old woman. In fact, she had changed more than I first noticed. She seemed tired. The lines on her face were drawn out. When she inhaled the cigarette she seemed to grow more withered. Was Ellis ever young? I was confused. How could I find any satisfaction in a weak enemy?

My gun lowered to my side. My anger deflated to pity as I saw disappointment flash over those yellow eyes. Sorry, I can't oblige you. She didn't even deserve death.

"You aren't even worth my anger," I said. I looked down at the floor, my helmet, and then noticed the carpeting had been stripped from the last time I had been there. The new carpet seemed to have been added randomly. It clashed with everything else it the room. It wasn't made to be in such a place as this. So many things seemed wrong. I didn't know what next to do. The click of the gun firing brought an end to all thought.

I brought my eyes up, seeing for the first time the real scene before me. Ellis stood with a gun in her hand. The barrel smoked faintly. I could see the open drawer next to her; an empty holster was nestled within. I looked down at my chest. I couldn't see any entry wound at first, but I could feel the metal inside me. Then I saw it. The bullet had entered just below my left collarbone.

"You never did understand people," I heard Ellis say. I looked back up at her, noticing her satisfied smile and the catlike way she stalked towards me. Before she reached me my legs collapsed. I still watched her as I fell down. I even kept my eyes focused on the yellow orbs as my grip on my gun faltered and the weapon thudded uselessly away. I balanced on my knees, still not quite able to stop staring at her. I opened my mouth, air suddenly becoming hard to find.

"What? You want to talk now?" she said mockingly. I heard the click and earsplitting blast of a gun going off. I flinched, falling to my knees the same moment Ellis staggered to the ground. Behind her I saw the door open.

"Zechs!" I felt my shoulder hit the side of Ellis' dresser, propping me up. Ellis fell beside me; her yellow eyes stared up at me lifeless. They hadn't changed.

"Zechs!" I heard my name again as I saw Noin cross the room. She held a gun in her hand. "I heard the gun shot in the hall." She explained. Strangely, I could still think clearly. She must have followed me - at least as far as the hall. The gun she carried resembled the one on the guard I knocked out.

Noin stepped between Ellis and I, kneeling down and pressing her hand on my wound. I looked down at her hand, unable to feel the pressure.

"It doesn't look good," she said truthfully, swearing as blood began to seep through her fingers. This was as close to panicking as I had ever seen her. "I have to get help." I could see she was torn between staying with me and dragging every drunken doctor in the house to my side.

"Treize," I managed to say.

"Don't speak," she maneuvered me onto the floor, instructing me to use my good arm to apply pressure to the wound. She saw me wince, her own face contorting. "I'll find a phone - I'll be back," she promised. She left the room with a backward glance that showed the streaks of tears running down her face.

I must have slipped into unconsciousness because it seemed like only seconds until she was back at my side, hand covering my wound again. She brushed the hair out of my eyes - her hand straying over my face as she wiped away a stray tear. She smiled faintly when she saw my pain eased with her touch.

"Treize has people on their way here right now," she said tonelessly.

"OZ will come. You can't be found here," I said, my breath catching. She hushed me - smoothing my pain-creased forehead with her hand.

"I'm not going anywhere," she said stubbornly, though appearing worried at whatever this OZ thing was. She said something under her breath, a prayer.

I looked at her arm as it hovered over me. With the weight off it looked just like any other arm really. I remembered how the bone felt underneath my grip the first day we met. My right hand moved slowly over to her arm, unsure as to what it would do.

When I touched her arm her eyes widened a fraction more. She looked exactly how she did the first time I had touched her there. I found the faint line where the edges of the metal weight had caught against her skin. When I touched it she jumped, her free hand flying to her wrist where it met mine.

We stared at each other, each of us trapped - my hand holding hers in place - my life beating under her palm.

"Your helmet." she said, voice shaking. I was about to tell her it didn't matter anymore when she pulled free of my weak grip, reaching for my helmet only a few feet away. "Here it is." She held it in front of me, arm struggling under its heavy weight. She looked at me as if in farewell, sliding it over my head slowly.

"I'm sorry," she said after it was in place. "I-" she was cut off when the door flew open. Unfamiliar faces suddenly flew into view. Questions like: who are you, who do you work for flew passed me and to Noin, who responded as best she could. I looked at her as she was being interrogated across the room. My blood was smeared all over her dress and arms, and her hair had fallen out of its tie beyond repair. She still stood at attention; face a cold mask as she fielded the questions. I let my eyes close after someone led her away.

\----------------------------------------

_Everybody left but you Everybody left but you_

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It was sometime later; four months or so had passed, before I saw Noin again. She was walking out of an advanced mobile suit training session. Her arms were weight free - she must have recovered fully. I had recovered myself. With the most advanced technology in the world at the doctors fingertips miracles were not hard to come by. They said there was some scar tissue that couldn't be removed near my heart. They weren't worried. It didn't hinder my performance so neither had I. I actually received better scores than before, but so had Noin.

I stood in the hallway, watching her leave with her classmates. She smiled at a man next to her, Tetsu. He smiled back. I looked down at the floor, wondering what I expected to come back to. We never said farewell. I hadn't seen her since waking up in the hospital. She had stood in the doorway a moment. The guard next to her obviously barred her from entering further.

I turned around, looking down at the uniform in my arms. I was supposed to wear it at graduation the next day. I had been put into special classes once I was strong enough to leave the hospital. I was command material they told me, OZ command material. I had already received my orders. I was to serve under Treize in a new area of the military called OZ. A lot of the best students were heading there. Noin was strangely absent from the list.

"Zechs," Noin whispered from behind me.

"You're probably wondering why I am here," I said towards the empty hallway. I felt her come up closer. She was radiating heat from the exhausting exercise she had just endured. It was a late class. No doubt I caught her on the way to her quarters.

She started forward, looking back at me as if she couldn't ask me to talk to her, but wishing she could. She had been warned away from me I suppose. Treize had told me just as much. A class let out next to us, and the rush of people gave us an excuse to walk closer together.

"I received my orders today," Noin said quietly. I could hardly hear her over the conversations going on around us. "I will be promoted to Head Instructor of the Victoria Base. Instructor Drego Mot has been promoted to the fleet after all these years."

"Congratulations," I said evenly. "I was hoping you would have been promoted to somewhere in the fleet. That is what you have always trained for."

"Well, it was a promotion I couldn't have refused. Besides, the top student gets to have more say into what his promotion would be." She said selectively. She walked with me down to the end of the hall to where a window shed natural light into the otherwise artificially illuminated hall. When the crowd disappeared down the hall and into rooms we stopped a moment to look at the fall leaves falling from a nearby tree outside.

"How have you fared Zechs? Your name has come up on occasion, but you were pulled out of the mainstream courses. People are saying you are already a Baron?"

"I am graduating with the rest of the class tomorrow," I said hesitantly. I was careful to appear as if I looked off somewhere else. Maintaining the idea I was only standing near her by some stroke of luck. "Then I am taking a shuttle to Duke Treize's command ship," I finished, lingering on the name a moment hoping she would remember.

"I see how it is," she said, emotionless. "That night I saw how it was." She started walking again, not waiting to hear my reply. I paused a moment, then followed hastily.

"I didn't plan it that way," I said quickly, hearing its inadequacy even as I spoke it. Her life was effectively halted before she even had a chance to really prove herself. One mixed up night with me was enough to see to that. So I was sent to space, and she was trapped on Earth. Each of us was as far from our goal as they could manage without killing us.

"I believe you," she said softly. She stopped walking suddenly, and I realized I was at the entrance to the woman's quarters. We stood there uncomfortably in the hall for a moment. I was about to say something, something that would repair some of the damage between us, when the door slid open. A couple of woman in their officer's uniforms came walking out.

"Cadet Noin," one of them nodded familiarly to her, then eyed me suspiciously. OZ was everywhere, and these two officers could be involved in it. But their reaction could also be explained superficially. I knew Noin was the favorite 'Top Student' even though I had beaten her at the final test. She had lost with a fault, not uncommon, but certainly not Noin. No one knew her well enough to tell but me. Her loss had been anything but a clean fault. She was motivated by something else.

"Well, congratulations Cadet Noin. It was an honor studying with you," I said sincerely. "I was just leaving," I added, locking eyes with Noin. I smiled friendlily to the two officers, hoping it would throw them off for a moment. Noin, follow me - I thought. I tried to convey that in my eyes, but I saw no recognition on her face. Damn them if I never got to see her again.

I turned and walked down the hall. My ears strained to hear the sound of footsteps behind me. They came later than reason would have allowed me to stay. I hadn't left because I had dozed off at the end of the hall for over an hour. I stood for a time, but ended up collapsed on a bench, my uniform placed neatly beside me. I studied the back of my eyelids, finding the patterns I saw there slightly comforting compared to the white hallway.

"Is this seat taken?" I heard her ask. I opened my eyes to see her standing in front of me. She wore an academy t-shirt and sweat pants. She must have snuck out after everyone was asleep.

"There's only the two of us," I answered, remembering her common excuse for talking to me in the early days.

"In that case," she started to say, pulling my hand until I stood up. I grabbed my uniform off the bench as she tugged me down the hallway. "In that case - follow me," she said softly. I followed her quickened pace to a bend in the hallway. She peeked around it before leading me across the way to an unmarked doorway. When she shouldered it open I was struck with the chilled night air.

"Where are we?" I asked as she pulled me into the cold and quietly shut the door behind us.

"The only unwatched place on base," she explained, a certain excitement in her voice. I blinked my eyes as the moon came out from under a cloud. About six feet in front of us was a building. The siding reminded me of the officer's building. That would put us on the east side of the main building. I tried to remember what it looked like from beyond the walls but couldn't. One either side were high brick walls. When Noin shut the door she closed off the only exit other than straight up, which would have been almost impossible to climb at any rate.

"It used to be where they stored the huge furnaces, but since then they moved on to other methods of heating and had this area cleared out. Then they forgot about it," she said, slightly embarrass at knowing the location of the bases make out hideaway. "Anyway, I was able to avoid the alarms by telling one of the cadets running security that I was coming out here with Tetsu. The alarms are back up by now, and you have exactly five hours," She said quickly, making her way through the part with Tetsu as fast as possible. But, what had she said?

"Huh, five hours you say? I might need more time than that," I said, my old humor finding its way out after so long in disuse. I was quite rusty, but it was enough to make her smile. That left us in silence. I desperately wished for the cloud cover to clear so I could at least comment about the stars. It was almost as uncomfortable when we were stuck listening to each other breathing in the cave. The fact we could see each other face to face this time made it all the more volatile.

"I could start by asking you questions I suppose." She said cautiously, as if she just realized how awkward five hours with me could turn out to be.

"That's a start." I was equally cautious. I remembered how much it had hurt to delve those memories up the first time.

"What is your real name?" she said, strolling over to one wall. She was going to pace. I decided to join her.

"Milliard Peacecraft." It was strange to say my own name after so long being Zechs Merquise. I had forgotten what it was like to be a Peacecraft.

"I remember the Peacecraft family. My father often talked on their behalf, or at least he used to say the Peacecrafts' would have said this or that. That was all a long time ago." She admitted.

"Why did you start using a different name?" she asked, as if the thought was strange to her. I might have frowned because she quickly took back the question, "Tell me about your family," She said instead. It was about our fourth lap around the small square room. The moon was covered by another cloud, and I was grateful for it and my helmet to cover whatever emotion I would have when recalling my life out to the open sky.

"I had a large family. We could trace the generations back to before space travel. Family was very important - almost as imported as our sense of peace. My father was vital in the fight for peace during the war. He was a pacifist, but he didn't just speak of peace and pacifism. He really lived it out. Which was why he was a threat." I had gradually stopped walking, abruptly aware of the silence I had caused. "The Sank Kingdom was an example of pacifism the entire world was beginning to realize and imitate. To keep the war from concluding at what they considered a 'premature' time a general from the Alliance forces destroyed the Sank Kingdom and everyone in it. They thought they had at least. A damn good job they did as well. Only three people managed to escape. A manservant and two children: my sister Relena, who was around two at the time, and Milliard, nearly seven." I finished. I didn't wait for an answer, knowing there wasn't one sufficient.

"My sister went to live with another pacifist family, the Dorlian's, and that was where I was to live as well. I did for a time. My sister lived as their surrogate daughter, and I lived with the manservant in the servant building. I rarely saw my sister, and I was kept out of sight for the most part. When I was eight I ran away to join the military. I was in a boy's school for a few years before I ran away again and roamed the streets. By that time the Dorlian's had thought me dead. I was hard on cash one day and ran into Ellis. Long story short, we worked well together."

"And then I killed her," Noin said, voice cracking. I guess I had been so absorbed by myself that I didn't hear her reaction, or make any of the connections before she broke. I wanted her to come to me, but she didn't. She stood where she was, blinking her tears away in the darkness.

"She was a con artist, prostitute, drug dealer, and killer. But she found some part of her heart that would take in a lost child. I was twelve, homeless, and just about the toughest fighter on the street. Tough didn't mean I won any of the fights. I just liked to fight. I was twelve and had lost all feeling. She helped me find some of what I had lost while I had wandered the streets for so long." I finished recalling her good points. "Then, about two years later she came up with some cash that was too hot to handle. She got in big trouble and disappeared for nearly six months. By this time Jodrig had showed up. He had a fling with Ellis that was put on hold when she went missing. He took everything I had built for myself and overran our little gang in a matter of weeks."

"Is that when you decided to join the Specials?" Noin asked. After hearing a little more about Ellis she had slowly gotten over her feeling of remorse. I could tell she was getting angrier as she paced by me on her way to the far wall.

"I was fifteen and thought I knew everything. When Ellis came back I told her about my past. About my family, my childhood, and the revenge I planned for the general responsible. A week later the feds found me while I was at the Hasty Draw. They brought me to Treize who basically told me my life story, even some parts I hadn't heard before, and explained the rest of my life to me in great detail, beginning with my service to him. If I was going to find revenge I was going to have to infiltrate the military. He would only allow me to do that if I pledged my name to him, until I had finished the duties he put before me I was to be Zechs Merquise. He even had the wretched general in the room next to mine. The temptation to kill him was overwhelming." I droned on, wondering if it was too much for her to hear at a time. Never the less, the dam was broke and there was nothing that could stop me now.

"I was forced to wear this damned helmet as a reminder of my pledge, as well as a reminder of my new identity. I was under special training with a new organization called OZ. They were still underground mostly at that time. I was their trump card. A fighting machine they used at will," I said regrettably.

"I lived in hopes of finding Ellis again, picturing her face each time I killed someone. I had never seen the general. He was my darkness," I said, remembering her confession in the dark alleyway. "He still is."

"You went there to kill Ellis," Noin stated. She managed to speak without shuddering. It took months before I could even think of my first killing without having nightmares. I imagined it had been the same for her.

"I did. She deserved to die. Just not by my hand. I realized that a little too late." I tried to reassure her. She passed by me again; I glanced at her, and then stared.

"You cut your hair!" I exclaimed, breaking the tension unintentionally.

"My hair has been short about four months. I am trying to grow it out now," she added. Her hand brushed the hair out of her eyes in a way that told me she had annoyingly done that several times already that day. "It doesn't hold fond memories."

"It doesn't look so bad. I like it," I said truthfully. She stopped pacing and gave me a look of exasperation, as if this revelation was counterproductive to the rest of my story. "The sweatpants have to go though," I said playfully, remembering that for at least tonight it was safe to tease her.

"Fine. Take off you helmet first," she said seriously. I remembered Ellis asking me the same thing, telling me that hiding behind it gave me no rights when it came to taking things.

"Promise you won't disappear on me again," I said as a condition.

"I'm not going anywhere tonight," she said, unable to promise me more than a night. I nodded in acceptance, but found it harder to take it off in front of Noin than it had been when Ellis was watching. That thought alone made me speed up the process. When the night air hit my face for the first time in years I remembered what it was like to be Milliard Peacecraft. Then the moment was gone and I was looking at Noin, once more through the eyes of Zechs Merquise.

She said nothing at first. We just stared at each other as if seeing the way things were for the first time.

"I can't call you Milliard," she said after a time. "But, Zechs. It will kill me when you put it back on."

"I won't tonight," I swore. We both knew that tomorrow would separate us, perhaps forever.

We woke up the next morning with our backs against the door. We had talked most the night. Only until about three that morning did we collapse by the door. The click of the alarm being turned off was what made both of us jump. Noin was the first to try and get up, but I held her back a second.

"I trust you with this," I said, my voice rough from talking most the night. She nodded, visibly upset at the prospect of leaving my arms after hearing those words. Her eyes strayed down to my hand, watching it play with hers. It had been there most of the night. I remembered what we said the night before, and I held her hand tightly, letting her feel our connection. She watched in fascination as I lifted our hands up between us, pressing her palm against my lips. "And this," I whispered. She leaned forward until our hands were trapped between us. Her face was centimeters from mine.

"I want to make sure you see this coming," she said in a soft voice I found she only used with me. We breathed the same air a moment, enjoying each other for the few seconds we had left to share. Then I surprised her by crossing the air that was between us. She froze a moment - the most uncomfortable moment in my life. Our lips barely brushed together when she said, "I think the damn door just locked again." If she was stalling now I wasn't going to let her get away with it. Prattle or not I was serious.

"I don't care," I said with a hint of warning in my voice. She was about say something again when I effectively shut her up a good time longer than I thought possible. When she did find her voice again she stumbled around her words. "What are we doing?" She said first. She lost that thought when I kissed her again. Sometime during that I remembered hearing a bell, then Noin humming, indicating either she was happy or - oh hell!

Graduation!

"Graduation!" I said, surprised my voice didn't crack or do something else that would embarrass me. I tried to get up, but Noin had to get off me first.

"Damn!" I heard her hiss in my ear. She rolled over me, kneeing me a few times in the process. I still managed to get up first; pulling her up with me once I found my feet. I reached for the door and found it locked.

"No kidding," I mumbled.

My foot had bumped something on the way up. My helmet. The molded metal leered at me as I bent down and picked it up. I turned away from Noin while slipping it on. The weight of it felt lighter than ever.

We both turned at looked at the wall.

"Ladies first," I deadpanned. I got a kiss in return.

"The first one up the wall, Zechs - " She taunted me.

"Gets what?" I said in return. She showed me again. She always had to show me. And this time I didn't really mind.

\----------------------------------------

_Many years have passed And some have fallen by the way I heard them say Everybody dreamed but those who fell Are sleeping now, they're sleeping now Everybody climbed like ivy to the top most branch It was their chance Everybody grasped till they were through It's all they thought that they could do Cause everybody fell Everybody fell Everybody fell but you_


End file.
